


Fallen Leaves

by baekkieony



Category: UP10TION
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cute, Death, Depressions, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not, Smut, Struggle, getting caught, lovely smut, soft smut, something happens with xiao, that's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 02:29:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11152314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekkieony/pseuds/baekkieony
Summary: And Hwanhee forgot how much it would change when one of them actually decides to leave; especially how much it would change the "&" between Wooshin and him.[I suck at writing summaries]





	Fallen Leaves

One month has passed. One fucking month. And Wooshin still quitted practise and recordings. He only ate a little. This month nothing in Wooshin's usual behaviour has changed. But Wooshin; Wooshin has changed.

 

Because one month ago, Xiao had left Up10tion.

 

He just left them. Without an explanation – not that it would be really necessary, but Wooshin never had the chance of saying goodbye – and Wooshin missed him so much, even if he would never admit it. Xiao was his best friend since their trainee days together and this time got erased with one post on Xiao's twitter account.

 

Xiao said, that he quitted working together with T.O.P entertainment, because they had differences to get along. To be honest, Xiao was dating a fan and this was not allowed. But Xiao chose his love and not the group.

 

Wooshin laughed full of bitterness, sitting on his bed in his room he had shared with Xiao and starring at a pic from these two, because hadn't their always promised “bro's before hoe's”? And all this promising was only a lie.

 

Suddenly the door opened and Hwanhee entered the door. “Hey”, Hwanhee greeted him as usual, but Wooshin just continued starring at the picture. He heard the bedsheets next to him moving and he felt a warm body pressed against his back.

 

Without wanting it, Wooshin cuddled in Hwanhee's opened arms and Wooshin pressed himself closer to Hwanhee to smell his scent. He always had loved Hwanhee's scent, but since Xiao was gone, he just loved his scent a little bit more, because it reminds him of the great time the three always had together.

 

“You weren't at practise today. Again”. Wooshin sighed and just cuddled closer in Hwanhee's arms and closed his eyes, not answering the sentence. Hwanhee also sighed and lie his chin on Wooshin's head, silently closing his eyes too.

 

“But you have to go tomorrow, okay? You have to promise me”, Hwanhee mumbled sleepy and Wooshin hummed and opened his eyes again. “You know that I don't promise things anymore”, Wooshin said and turned around in Hwanhee's arms to face him. “Do it just this time”.

 

Wooshin didn't answer and closed his eyes again, to cuddle back in in Hwanhee's warm and comfortable arms. After a while just laying together, they both fell deep asleep and nobody woke them up until next morning.

 

A hurried and loud Kogyeol stormed in, making them both shrieking out of they lovely dreams. “Guys, we have to hurry, we're almost late for pr-. Wait, what the fuck do you thing are you doing? Should I go out again?”, Kogyeol laughed while raising his eyebrows. Wooshin's face got deep red and Hwanhee just giggled, while Wooshin was hiding his red face in a pillow.

 

Kogyeol chuckled deeply again and then left the room, to give them some time to get up and dress themselves up. After they both finished dressing up, they went as fast as they could to their waiting van, which brought them to their practise room. When they finally arrived, Khun was already there, waiting for the rest of them.

 

Wooshin hoped, that nobody would talk to him about the missed practises he had and it seemed to be his lucky day. Nobody talked about it, they just continued practising, like Wooshin never left. But the hole in they choreography, the place where Xiao belonged to – where he still belonged to – it made Wooshin's heart aching in pain and he hated it.

 

Xiao was gone; gone from their group and gone from Wooshin's life. Erased.

 

After practising, Wooshin went immediately home. He was tired and starving, but he still didn't want to eat. Wooshin never ate this much, but after Xiao was gone, it went to a new level. He ate maybe one apple a day and he was so skinny, you could count his rips. It wasn't beautiful anymore.

 

Without getting noticed by Wooshin, Hwanhee followed Wooshin into his room. When he opened the door, he found Wooshin lying on his bed, eyes half-closed and looking completely exhausted. “Hey”, Wooshin said after a while. “Hey”, replied Hwanhee quietly.

 

“I wanted to talk”, Hwanhee said, slowly coming closer to Wooshin's bed. Wooshin lifted himself a little bit up, supported by his elbows, so he could face Hwanhee. “About you. How you're feeling”. “But there's nothing to talk about. I'm fine”.

 

Hwanhee laughed bitter and quickly closed the door behind him. “Did you forget that you promised me a long time ago that you won't lie to me?”, Hwanhee sat down next to Wooshin. “Did you forget, that I don't make promises anymore?”, Wooshin answered, his voice was sharp.

 

Hwanhee's facial expressions changed from mocking to serious. “I just want to talk. I know that you're not fine. You stopped eating, you quit practise, you won't leave your room. Tell what's wrong and I swear, I won't mock you, I'll listen and then we'll find a way to survive, okay?”, Wooshin nodded and cuddled into Hwanhee, laying his head on Hwanhee's legs.

 

“You miss Xiao, don't you?”.

 

Hwanhee seemed to wait for an answer and Wooshin sighed. “I...I don't know how to explain it properly. It's just sometimes I'm so incredible scared of waking up and exploring the world in the morning, because all these beautiful things could be gone at noon”, Wooshin thought for a moment and then continued. “Just like Xiao is gone”.

 

They didn't continued talking after this, they just both closed their eyes and fell asleep together.

 

They next days went by as usual, a week has passed with Wooshin avoiding Hwanhee's question, but still spending much time with him. But this one horrible afternoon came, when Wooshin and three other members would watch tv when a newsflash came in.

 

“ _Newsflash at afternoon. Ten minutes ago we became the mention that there was big train accident in Busan. The train was on his way from Busan back to Seoul, but they had technical problems, but they got unnoticed. Nobody from the passengers survived this accident. One of the passengers was Lee Dongyeol, a former member from Up10tion. His-”_.

 

Wooshin didn't hear the rest of the announcement. He just said at the couch, starring at the tv, his gaze and body frozen in place. His  view went blurry and his started tearing up, while the other member ran around and were busy with telling the other what happened. 

 

But Wooshin just sat at the couch, tears spreading out of his eyes and running down his cheeks, silently crying for his lost best friend.

 

The funeral was one week later and all members came. Wooshin stand at Xiao's comb, being the last person there to throw his rose down. All the others were gone, but Wooshin wanted to make this moment special, so he waited. Wooshin shared a last glance at his Xiao's comb, the place where his body will rot and then threw his rose down. This time he didn't cried. 

 

Wooshin was close to start quitting practise again the month after Xiao's sudden death. But he never did. He wanted to be there for his members, when he couldn't be there for Xiao anymore. But Wooshin often  visited Xiao's tombstone, speaking to him when the weight on his shoulders was to much to handle it alone.

 

One night, Hwanhee went in Wooshin's room again. Wooshin avoided being together with someone at night; he didn't want them to hear him crying. But Hwanhee sneaked in his room and silently went under the bedsheets held open by Wooshin. They hadn't talked for a while, but they were always together since Xiao's death, even if Wooshin often needed time alone. But Hwanhee accepted this, just like he accepted the fact that Xiao wasn't here anymore.

 

“Do you now want to talk”, asked Hwanhee after a while and Wooshin cuddled closer to Hwanhee and nodded slowly. “But I don't know how to begin. It happened like I always said. And now I'm just more afraid of waking up. I miss him so much, Hwanhee”, Wooshin said, nuzzling his face in Hwanhee's shirt, trying to keep his burning tears inside of his eyes.

 

“But what do you wish for? He didn't ever call you, Wooshin and he's dead now. He's gone, so what do you wish for?”, Hwanhee asked after a moment of silence, stroking Wooshin's red hair.

 

“How do you mean that, what I wish?”, Wooshin turned his head to Hwanhee, completely confused. “I mean, if you had one wish in front of god, what would you wish?”, Hwanhee explained.

 

“If there's really a god, I would wish for time. More time with Xiao. I would wish for a christmas with Xiao, a new year with Xiao, a birthday with Xiao, a year with Xiao, a month with Xiao, a week with Xiao, a minute with Xiao or just a second with Xiao. Because seconds are so fucking rare”, and Hwanhee didn't answer after Wooshin said this, he just kept stroking Wooshin's head, tears falling down onto his red hair.

 

When Wooshin woke up the next day, he was in Hwanhee's arms, his hair a mess and Hwanhee's warmth comforting him. He wanted to turn around and just go back to sleep, but instead he studied Hwanhee's perfect face. His full lips, the beautiful shape of his eyes, the smooth skin and his cute nose. Every inch of Hwanhee's was perfect to him.

 

And Wooshin started questioning his feelings. His feelings for Hwanhee's, because he felt that they turned the wrong way. The romantic way. The way he shouldn't like Hwanhee.

 

He went to Xiao's grave this day.

 

He kneel down at his grave, silently grabbing a lighter and lighting up the candle at Xiao's grave again. It was a ritual for him; his way to say hello. He thought of a way to begin, but then just started speaking to Xiao.

 

“Uh, hello”, he said a little bit awkward. It was always awkward at the beginning. “I'm back to visit you, but I have something to tell you too. Maybe you already knew it – even if I don't know how – but maybe it'll be exciting for you, just as it was for me”, Wooshin started.

 

“You know, I always tell you everything, which happens in our life, don't you? So Hwanhee and I talked yesterday – also about you – and then we fell asleep together. But when I woke up in the morning and found myself in Hwanhee's arms, I felt something different. It wasn't that I never felt anything when Hwanhee was around, but this time it was difference. It felt special. Hwanhee feels special. And maybe, just maybe, I think I love him” Wooshin took a deep breath, because damn, being honest was exhausting. Mentally and physically.

 

“And we'll all miss you, Xiao. But thank you for listening to me and wish me luck with Hwanhee”, Wooshin stood up, smiling warmly up to the sky. And if Wooshin was an angel and if he could fly to Xiao at this moment, he would surely see Xiao smiling back.

 

Notwithstanding his confession, Wooshin started to avoid Hwanhee after this. Even if Wooshin was sure about his feelings for Hwanhee, he wasn't sure if Hwanhee felt the same way. For him, it seemed more like a brotherly way of love. And Wooshin hated it.

 

It was again a night alone for Wooshin, near midnight, when Hwanhee found his way in Wooshin's room again. Wooshin didn't asked why Hwanhee's eyes were red and puffy, he just lifted his bedsheets a little bit for Hwanhee and cuddled closer to Hwanhee.

 

He could sleep, it was warm and the unnoticeable presence of Hwanhee got Wooshin completely flustered. He couldn't think clear anymore when Hwanhee was around.

 

“Wooshin”, a sleepy voice snapped him out of his dreams and he replied as sleepy as the voice was. “Yes?”. “Why do you keep avoiding me?”, now was Wooshin fully awake again.

 

“What?”. “You know what I mean. You always hide from me and it seems like we didn't talked for years”, Hwanhee told him while lifting himself up, to face Wooshin. Wooshin furthermore felt his palms getting sweaty and if it wasn't dark, his face would be completely red. “I-it's nothing, really. Why should avoid you?”.

 

“Because you act like a middle schooler who has crush on me”, Wooshin was frozen in his bed, starring at a serious Hwanhee. “I-i don't have a crush on you!”, Wooshin replied quickly, but yet stuttering and Hwanhee chuckled again. “Don't deny something too obvious to hide. And why did you never tell me, neither thought of the possibility?”.

 

Wooshin couldn't stand Hwanhee's burning gaze anymore and he looked down at his fingers playing with the bedsheets. “Because you wouldn't love me back?”, Wooshin answered after a while.

 

“You never asked me, how would you know?”, Hwanhee answered simply and grabbed Wooshin's chin softly and lifted his face up. Wooshin had to look Hwanhee in the eyes and he lost himself once again in this beautiful brown. Their faces were inches away, their breath hit each others mouth and Wooshin couldn't resist spending a gaze to Hwanhee's fully and moisture lips, slowly licking his own.

 

And in less than a second, their lips finally met each other, almost eating up each other's face. It wasn't one of these innocent first kisses normal couples would share. It was hungry and lustful, like their were starving without each other's lips.

 

Hwanhee celebrated kissing like a party. Big, wild and addictive.

 

Wooshin leaned a little bit forward, so they fell back onto his bed, Wooshin on top of Hwanhee. They didn't even separated for second, they continued kissing until they both needed to breathe again. Wooshin's hand travelled under Hwanhee's shirt, stroking his defined, yet beautiful abs.

 

While Wooshin started planting butterfly kisses onto Hwanhee's neck, Hwanhee started to slide his hands in Wooshin's short, massaging his half hard member through the thin layer of fabric. Suddenly Wooshin seemed to found Hwanhee's sweet spot and he immediately started to suck and lick I, making Hwanhee moaning under his experienced lips.

 

Wooshin grinned a little bit and then ripped Hwanhee's disturbing shirt and threw it somewhere in the room. He switched his place from Hwanhee's neck to his abs and then to the waistband of his sweatpants, which he slowly started to pull down. After he also removed this obstacle, he started massaging Hwanhee's fully erected member through the cotton of his boxer.

 

He then decided that the boxer was also unnecessary and then removed it with his teeth, to lick along the full length of Hwanhee. Hwanhee moaned out loudly, silently gasping for air, because it was so unexpected and so damn _good_. Wooshin chuckled a bit and then curled his tongue around the rosy tip, making Hwanhee gripping the bedsheets and wheezing.

 

“Seems like I do a good job”, Wooshin smiled mischievous and separated from Hwanhee's dick. “D-don't stop”, stuttered Hwanhee and Wooshin started bobbing his head up and down, making Hwanhee groaning in pleasure. “Turn around, I'll make you come just from fucking you”, Wooshin suddenly commanded and Hwanhee immediately got on all fours, his head in a pillow, muffing his sounds.

 

“Where is the cutie we usually know?”, Hwanhee laughed, but then screamed as Wooshin inserted a finger in his asshole. Hwanhee immediately started rocking himself on this one finger and Wooshin wondered about how easy it was, to stretch Hwanhee. “You're not a virgin?”, Wooshin asked with an amused tone in his voice.

 

“Do I look like virgin?”, Hwanhee whined as Wooshin inserted two fingers more. “Just think of BTS’s “N.O” than you know my answer”, Wooshin mocked and continued stretching Hwanhee, before positioning himself. He didn't waste time and went fully in with one trust, making Hwanhee groaning in delight.

 

“Rare”. “I have nothing here”, Wooshin laughed and Hwanhee only gave him a sign to continue. Wooshin started thrusting immediately and Hwanhee moved his ass in the same pace as Wooshin. Under Wooshin's experienced hands Hwanhee was only a moaning mess, begging for more, after Wooshin finally hit his prostate.

 

“Yes, right there, please more”, Hwanhee begged and pouted, making Wooshin racing ups is pace. He went on an incredible speed, making the bed move against the wall in the same beat as his thrust. He felt his climax coming, just as Hwanhee did and it didn't need much to finish both of them. Hwanhee climaxed with a loud and moaned version of Wooshin's name on the bedsheets and Wooshin finished shortly after him deep inside Hwanhee.

 

Wooshin got out of Hwanhee, falling on the bed beside him and closing his eyes exhausted, just to open them again to ask Hwanhee something. “So, do you love me”, Wooshin asked with an amused tone in his voice. Hwanhee turned his face, to look him in the eyes and showed a charming smile to Wooshin. “I must be dumb if I wouldn't”.

 

When they woke up the next morning, they first cleaned up the mess on the bed and the showered. Together, to mention it. It was one of their rare days off and when they went down in the kitchen together, they were greeted by a sleepy looking Jinwook and an also sleepy looking Wei. “Heeeeello”, Wooshin greeted them excited, being in a good mood today – which was completely unusual the last months for him.

 

“Wonderful that you got enough sleep and you're in a good mood, but I beg you to be more quiet when you're two do these thing at night”, Wei said, looking with an annoyed expression to Wooshin and Hwanhee, but these two just hide their reddish faces in their hands. “Or better: do it when we're not at home. And at least, use protection”, added Jinwook and Wooshin suddenly wished to go to bed again.

 

Wooshin also went to Xiao's grave at the end of the, telling him the fresh news. He repeated the thing with the candle and after she was lighten up, he kneel down on the ground. “Hey again, Xiao”, this time it didn't feel awkward as usual. It felt good. “It been a while since we spoke the last time. Four weeks, to be precisely”, Wooshin paused to think about his words again.

 

“But I finally confessed to Hwanhee and now, now we're a couple since monday. I hope you're happy with this, because I want you to be as happy as I am”. Silence.

 

“You know, I still miss you. But I realized that all the time I could have spend with you would be just as wasted as we wasted it before. It needed the loss of you to realize that every second is rare. And that I shouldn't spend them on being sad. Life is too short to waste it on things I can't change. You know, sometimes I'm still afraid of waking up again, because all these things I love, especially Hwanhee could be gone a noon. But it got less and less. Maybe the shades of the past will never fate, but I should better learn to deal with them instead of denying them”, Wooshin needed a short break.

 

“I also started writing in a book. When I feel sad or I miss you too much, I write in it, conserving all the beautiful moments we had together. I still write often in this book, but it helps me. And I know, someday I'll have to explain to my kids why Daddy sometimes isn't able to leave his bed, because he's to afraid to loose them at the same moment he'll enjoy being with them. But to be honest, there a thing which are surely hell worse to explain”, Wooshin stand up, patting the dirt from his pants.

 

_**Just always remember;**  
_

 

“Thank you again for listening to me as usual. I'll never forget you”.

 

“Maybe you're not here anymore, but you'll always be here”, Wooshin pointed to his heart.

 

One lonely tear left Wooshin's eyes, because he finally let Xiao go. Maybe not in reality, but in his heart.

 

**_there's not real ending,_ **

 

And Wooshin turned around, where Hwanhee was waiting for him and gave Hwanhee a short kiss on his lips and put his arms around Hwanhee's waist, while slowly walking away from Xiao's grave with him.

 

_**it just the point where the story stops.**  
_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I remind you, I can't do feedback alone! leave kudos and requests :3. annyeong
> 
> bittersweetyugyeom
> 
> [9.6.17]


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